pointofhonoria | come sail away inbox

"Kinda a lot, I know. Original plan was to think of some proper way to say it all, but two weeks and some spare change out and that weren't happening and then this..."

Her leg starts jittering, as she suppresses the urge to get up and start pacing again.

"Look, whatever you're thinking, whatever questions— well not like I can promise much more of those, but—" You can talk it out at me is what she's trying to get across.

She knows she just dumped a whole heap of complicated on his shoulders.

"I'm a complete asshole, I think. My first thought is 'so it's alright that I'm with John and Cesar, because Mimley will never miss me', and that's not a right way to be feeling about all this, is it?"

But he's been with them for nearly six months, perhaps it's an understandable feeling.

It makes sense. Both the feeling and the guilt about the feeling.

"Is there even a 'right' way to feel about this in the first place? It's insane. It's— Johnny, you got a life of a sort here. More established than I am by far. Makes every bit of sense in the world you wouldn't wanna have to deal with reconciling the two. Like I said when you mentioned him before— it's complicated, yeah?"

She may not be the best at the people thing, but she damn well tries with her people.

"It's very complicated. It feels very complicated. But it doesn't change the plans that I've been working on, honestly."

A pause, he almost looks for a moment like he's doing math. Which isn't entirely wrong, social calculus is a skill in his toolbelt.

"Probably gonna be working through it in my head for a while yet myself..."

She doesn't have the same level of connections outside their world, yet, and she certainly never expects to form the same kind that Johnny has. Like he thought before: they both know why she's aggressively single on this love boat.

But she hates the idea of essentially dying because she forgets all of this just as much.

Inhale and exhale. "...what plans? Whatcha working on?"

"Quality of life improvements for everyone aboard. It's a work in progress, but if the captain is profiting off us being unhappy...well. There's a few ways to go about dealing with that, you see?"

He flops back down against the bed. "Medical preparation so if people are hurt on excursions, there's someone on hand to help with that. Parties--and hosted by multiple people and groups so it doesn't seem like you need to be in with Stede and Lucius for all of them. Lessons for those who want to learn. Lots of alcohol, inevitably."

Huh. That makes... sense. "That's... a pretty damn good thought. Even besides helping with keeping people from falling into madness and despair and all, anything that gets folks on this ship to cooperate with each other..."

See the other passengers as a unit, as allies. She's not sure how many people have real trouble with that, but it's better to foster it further than not, right? They're all stuck in this together and division only feeds the Captain more with the damn drama that comes of it.

"Exactly. It'd be far too easy for people to break off into cliques and not communicate or cooperate. We need to figure out how to build a community here--especially now that we know we're not going home."

He pauses, lifting his head to give her a wry look.

"Your homework assignment, besides a three-page book report, is to go make friends."

Blink, blink, then a huff of air and waving a hand at him, "Hey, I'm not a total recluse, I'll have you know. But, alright, alright, point taken. This is life now, innit, so..."

Granted, a good chunk of the people she knows is thanks to her efforts to get in on figuring this place out, but mostly having friends from her work isn't exactly new, is it. It's still going to take time to really wrap her head around the fact they'll never see any of the rest of the League again unless they arrive here, but... she'll work on it, alright.

A beat, then dryly half-joking, "When's the book report due?"

"One week. Any more than that, and you're stewing." And of course, he means three pages handwritten, not typed, so that also takes some of the pressure off her.

"Alright, teach. One week, no stewing. You can hold me to it." It probably will be a good exercise to get through all this tangled mess in her head. "Then we'll see what I can contribute to whatever efforts you're making."

Focus on what they can do here, right.

"One more thing, and I know this is going to come out a little mad. Do you need to be held onto for a little bit? I swear to God, I'm not trying to...anything, you know that. But it might do you some good to have a little comforting physical contact. Cesar's told me about the brain chemical benefits of doing things like that."

And look, she's the only one from his world and he could use held, too.

It's impossible for her face to not give away the brief '?!' of... confusion, surprise, something in that area, alright, but if anyone on this ship can ask that and her believe he's not trying anything, well, it's the friend from home with two whole boyfriends and knowledge of her baggage, so.

So just give her a second to actually turn over her feelings on physical comfort in general. "More of those new fangled ideas, huh," you know, as if the only difference isn't just the tying the knowledge comfort works to brain chemicals. "Guess it wouldn't hurt."

Look it's about as close to an outright 'I think I might need that, yes' as you're going to get out of her, really, isn't it.

He lightly pats the bed beside himself. "I know you're taller, but I assure you I'm perfectly capable of being the big spoon, as they call it in the modern day. Come here, Honoria."

"Spoons? Who came up with that one?" If she actually thought about it she could probably figure out the reasoning but it's half a comment made so as to further diffuse any awkward really.

She takes a second to be polite and kick her shoes off before getting situated and comfortable, but she does do so.

Johnny rolls to his side and settles in behind her, slinging an arm over her side lightly.

"It's accurate enough that I'm not going to complain. Even if I am a teaspoon."

Warm, close, comfortable. He is completely at ease with her like this; family cuddle puddles with Rich have led to him enjoying platonic, friendly moments like this.

"I'm not that much taller than you, so I dunno what that makes me."

Crabb obviously isn't at all as used to this sort of thing, even putting baggage aside she's never been the most naturally physically affection. Still, whilst it'd be impossible to miss the moment of instinctive tensing up, it doesn't last long. It takes a little longer for her to go from 'not tense' to 'actually relaxed', but she gets there too bit by bit. Finally lets out a quiet almost content exhale.

She's still not gonna say it but alright, Johnny, you win, maybe she really did need something like this.

"There you go. Anytime you need something like this, you need only ask. Alright? This isn't our world, where touching is something everyone needs to dance around like it's sacred or profane or both."

His hand runs gently along her shoulder and arm, soothingly.

"...yeah, alright." When you put it like that... yeah, she's definitely still been mired in many sensibilities from home, a world they're apparently never going to see again. "Only promise I can make is to try, mind, but..."

She'd shrug but she doesn't actually want to dislodge the touch so she doesn't.

"I'll come looking for you, if I have to."

That's tease, not an actual threat. He lets out a warm sigh. "Stay as long as you'd like, but I might just fall asleep on you if you're not careful."

"You can bleedin' try." She's joking too, though, and rolls her eyes, not that he can exactly see that right now. "See, you say that like I wouldn't just wake you up when I wanna move. You know I would."

"I know you would, and I know you will. And in the meantime, it's nice to have you here."

A gentle squeeze, like hugging a teddy bear.

Honestly with her build she probably is appropriately like one of those more solid-bodied teddy bears.

"You ain't half a soft one sometimes, Johnny." Not that she says that like it's a bad thing. A moment, then she pats his arm with her loose hand and quiet enough it could be to herself, but, "...least we're not on our own."

Being so wholly ripped away from home would only be more of a blow, if they were, she thinks.

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